In which I wax philosophical about schooling

There were a couple of posts recently on the parenting list-serv that I co-moderate about how to deal with kids who seem to be academically ready for kindergarten but who miss the arbitrary birthday cutoff set by local school districts. This is of interest to me, since Jonah misses that cutoff by about six weeks, and he is clearly "academically" ready for kindergarten--whatever that means.

The first poster asked about the pros and cons of starting a kid "early." I put my two cents in, since she asked. My philosophy has been that first of all, it doesn't matter at this point in their lives. I refuse to believe that whether my kid goes to kindergarten now or next year (and whether it's a public or a private school) has that big an impact on his future success. There's SO much that goes into that; kindergarten or pre-K can't be the determining factor. And secondly, there's more to kindergarten than "academics." My nonexpert opinion is that academics are probably a pretty minor part of kindergarten. Social adjustment, learning routines, figuring out how to be one of 22 (or more, in some places) kids in a group – all of these things, as well as others, are just as important, or maybe more important, than learning ABCs and 123s.

The first poster didn't realize that the districts around here are all pretty strict about the cutoffs, and once she learned of that, she was pretty content to let it go. The second poster, however, was actively looking for ways to get around it – primarily via private schools. In particular, she was looking for private schools that did not also conform to the same age cutoffs as most of the public schools. It really riled me up. I started to write one response to her (not an answer to her question, but a reason why she shouldn't try to get her kid into kindergarten early). I then started composing another response to her in my head, this one a kind of snarky dig at private schools and how they'd probably overlook their own "guidelines" about cutoffs if someone was willing to put down $20K to send their four-year-old to kindergarten.


I managed to hold myself back when it suddenly hit me that this was ALL ABOUT ME and my issues. I try to reassure myself that we're making good decisions about this, but Jonah is currently reading Harry Potter #3 and adding up our Yahtzee scores in his head. In school (he's in K1, the Boston Public Schools equivalent of pre-K), they're not even close to reading and for math, they are counting. When I talk about him, I worry that people will think I'm bragging. I'm not. I'm simply amazed.

Certainly there are things Jonah could stand to work on. He's not so into art. (That may be my fault. I'm not so into (making) art.) As a consequence, his writing skills are not so great (even for an almost five-year-old) and he's not so keen on working on them.

But. What if he should be in a private school? What if we should push him more? What if it DOES make a difference what we do for pre-K? It feels so much more important because he's not an average kid. I think having a child on either end of the bell curve must make it so much harder to know if what you're doing is right. Or enough.

Or does everyone feel this way?

Mummy napper

Swimming lessons FTW.

She said what?

On the way home today, Ava kept asking for something that sounded like ball. Or maybe bowl. Then she said she wanted to eat a whatever it was.

Finally, I figured it out.

Bar.

So...

Now that I've quit Facebook, perhaps I'll have to shake the dust off this...

Resolutions

I've become a pretty big fan of Ju-Ju-Be recently. I got my first diaper bag from them around the time Ava was born (thanks, Mom!), but it wasn't until June or July of this year that I started spending time online in JJB's Pink Room, an online discussion forum for JJB enthusiasts, who are known as Pink Ladies. I've been more of a lurker there than I have in other online forums, but I've gotten sucked in to both the forums and the bags in subsequent months, much to Matt's chagrin.

Ju-Ju-Be is an amazing company. Their bags are phenomenal - highly organized diapers bags, but with lots of style. Their customer service has been nothing short of spectacular (and sadly, I've had lots of experience with customer service lately, so I can tell the difference!). And the community of women in the Pink Room is unbelievably supportive. The drama that I've seen in other similar communities...just doesn't seem to be there.

One of the things that JJB has done is to give away a bag every couple of weeks. Amazing, I know. They call it the "Real Mom Giveaway," and there is a new topic every two weeks. Real moms post their answers, and a couple of winners are selected based on their entries.

The contest posted for the end of 2010 read as follows:

"NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS!!!! This contest will be a few days longer than normal due to the holidays...so it will end 3 days after NY's Eve. I thought it would be fitting to share any or all resolutions we might have. They can be serious or light-hearted. I'm horrible at resolutions but i still like to set new goals each year. I guess it is a tradition (i guess it is also a tradition to break my New Year's Resolutions!! HAHAHAHA!!)"

This was also going to be the last of the Real Mom Giveaways. I had to come up with something good. Hee hee! Really, though, I searched my soul for what I needed to do in 2011, and this is what I came up with:

Honor my mother(s)

I have had stormy relationships

with both my mom and my mother-in-law, but I want to change that in the new year.

My mom and I mostly get along, but sometimes I totally lose my patience with her and lash out. She is retiring next month and will be spending 3.5 months living at my aunt's while my aunt is in FL for the winter. She'll be 45 minutes away instead of 7-8 hours! It's a great opportunity for my kids to have more Nana time, and for DH and I to have some backup. My mom is totally awesome with the kids, and loves to spend time with them (including doing early morning wakeup duty with DS, who gets up at 6 AM most days!), and I am truly lucky to have her.

My MIL and I got along fairly well until I had kids, and we continued to do okay until my second was born. We had a pretty major falling out when DD was 2 months old, and while we've managed to mend things a bit, visits with her can be pretty tense. She and I butt heads a lot - I'm not a huge believer in astrology, but we are both pretty stereotypical Aries! She hasn't been willing to take the time to learn how to do things my way, and I haven't been willing to roll with it during her visits.

My dad died 8 years ago, and DH's dad died 5 years ago, so these are the only grandparents my kids have. I need to nurture my relationships with them, because otherwise I will damage the kids' relationships with them.

So...I hereby resolve to work on my patience, to let things slide and laugh them off, and if necessary, to be the bigger person. They won't be around forever, and I'll regret it every day if I don't cherish them now!

And believe it or not...I won. My entry was one of the three entries selected to win this last of the Real Mom Giveaways. But better yet...thanks to this great and supportive community, I was able to open up about something that has been really hard for me over the past several years.

So now I'm opening up to all of you, many of whom are my "real life" friends and family. I wanted you all to know what I said online, so I can be held accountable for this resolution in my real life. Because that is where it matters the most.

And now, if you'll excuse me...I have a new bag to pick out.