In which I wax philosophical about schooling

There were a couple of posts recently on the parenting list-serv that I co-moderate about how to deal with kids who seem to be academically ready for kindergarten but who miss the arbitrary birthday cutoff set by local school districts. This is of interest to me, since Jonah misses that cutoff by about six weeks, and he is clearly "academically" ready for kindergarten--whatever that means.

The first poster asked about the pros and cons of starting a kid "early." I put my two cents in, since she asked. My philosophy has been that first of all, it doesn't matter at this point in their lives. I refuse to believe that whether my kid goes to kindergarten now or next year (and whether it's a public or a private school) has that big an impact on his future success. There's SO much that goes into that; kindergarten or pre-K can't be the determining factor. And secondly, there's more to kindergarten than "academics." My nonexpert opinion is that academics are probably a pretty minor part of kindergarten. Social adjustment, learning routines, figuring out how to be one of 22 (or more, in some places) kids in a group – all of these things, as well as others, are just as important, or maybe more important, than learning ABCs and 123s.

The first poster didn't realize that the districts around here are all pretty strict about the cutoffs, and once she learned of that, she was pretty content to let it go. The second poster, however, was actively looking for ways to get around it – primarily via private schools. In particular, she was looking for private schools that did not also conform to the same age cutoffs as most of the public schools. It really riled me up. I started to write one response to her (not an answer to her question, but a reason why she shouldn't try to get her kid into kindergarten early). I then started composing another response to her in my head, this one a kind of snarky dig at private schools and how they'd probably overlook their own "guidelines" about cutoffs if someone was willing to put down $20K to send their four-year-old to kindergarten.


I managed to hold myself back when it suddenly hit me that this was ALL ABOUT ME and my issues. I try to reassure myself that we're making good decisions about this, but Jonah is currently reading Harry Potter #3 and adding up our Yahtzee scores in his head. In school (he's in K1, the Boston Public Schools equivalent of pre-K), they're not even close to reading and for math, they are counting. When I talk about him, I worry that people will think I'm bragging. I'm not. I'm simply amazed.

Certainly there are things Jonah could stand to work on. He's not so into art. (That may be my fault. I'm not so into (making) art.) As a consequence, his writing skills are not so great (even for an almost five-year-old) and he's not so keen on working on them.

But. What if he should be in a private school? What if we should push him more? What if it DOES make a difference what we do for pre-K? It feels so much more important because he's not an average kid. I think having a child on either end of the bell curve must make it so much harder to know if what you're doing is right. Or enough.

Or does everyone feel this way?

Mummy napper

Swimming lessons FTW.

She said what?

On the way home today, Ava kept asking for something that sounded like ball. Or maybe bowl. Then she said she wanted to eat a whatever it was.

Finally, I figured it out.

Bar.

So...

Now that I've quit Facebook, perhaps I'll have to shake the dust off this...

Resolutions

I've become a pretty big fan of Ju-Ju-Be recently. I got my first diaper bag from them around the time Ava was born (thanks, Mom!), but it wasn't until June or July of this year that I started spending time online in JJB's Pink Room, an online discussion forum for JJB enthusiasts, who are known as Pink Ladies. I've been more of a lurker there than I have in other online forums, but I've gotten sucked in to both the forums and the bags in subsequent months, much to Matt's chagrin.

Ju-Ju-Be is an amazing company. Their bags are phenomenal - highly organized diapers bags, but with lots of style. Their customer service has been nothing short of spectacular (and sadly, I've had lots of experience with customer service lately, so I can tell the difference!). And the community of women in the Pink Room is unbelievably supportive. The drama that I've seen in other similar communities...just doesn't seem to be there.

One of the things that JJB has done is to give away a bag every couple of weeks. Amazing, I know. They call it the "Real Mom Giveaway," and there is a new topic every two weeks. Real moms post their answers, and a couple of winners are selected based on their entries.

The contest posted for the end of 2010 read as follows:

"NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS!!!! This contest will be a few days longer than normal due to the holidays...so it will end 3 days after NY's Eve. I thought it would be fitting to share any or all resolutions we might have. They can be serious or light-hearted. I'm horrible at resolutions but i still like to set new goals each year. I guess it is a tradition (i guess it is also a tradition to break my New Year's Resolutions!! HAHAHAHA!!)"

This was also going to be the last of the Real Mom Giveaways. I had to come up with something good. Hee hee! Really, though, I searched my soul for what I needed to do in 2011, and this is what I came up with:

Honor my mother(s)

I have had stormy relationships

with both my mom and my mother-in-law, but I want to change that in the new year.

My mom and I mostly get along, but sometimes I totally lose my patience with her and lash out. She is retiring next month and will be spending 3.5 months living at my aunt's while my aunt is in FL for the winter. She'll be 45 minutes away instead of 7-8 hours! It's a great opportunity for my kids to have more Nana time, and for DH and I to have some backup. My mom is totally awesome with the kids, and loves to spend time with them (including doing early morning wakeup duty with DS, who gets up at 6 AM most days!), and I am truly lucky to have her.

My MIL and I got along fairly well until I had kids, and we continued to do okay until my second was born. We had a pretty major falling out when DD was 2 months old, and while we've managed to mend things a bit, visits with her can be pretty tense. She and I butt heads a lot - I'm not a huge believer in astrology, but we are both pretty stereotypical Aries! She hasn't been willing to take the time to learn how to do things my way, and I haven't been willing to roll with it during her visits.

My dad died 8 years ago, and DH's dad died 5 years ago, so these are the only grandparents my kids have. I need to nurture my relationships with them, because otherwise I will damage the kids' relationships with them.

So...I hereby resolve to work on my patience, to let things slide and laugh them off, and if necessary, to be the bigger person. They won't be around forever, and I'll regret it every day if I don't cherish them now!

And believe it or not...I won. My entry was one of the three entries selected to win this last of the Real Mom Giveaways. But better yet...thanks to this great and supportive community, I was able to open up about something that has been really hard for me over the past several years.

So now I'm opening up to all of you, many of whom are my "real life" friends and family. I wanted you all to know what I said online, so I can be held accountable for this resolution in my real life. Because that is where it matters the most.

And now, if you'll excuse me...I have a new bag to pick out.

Socks and shoes and uh-oh!

Overheard one morning:

Jonah: What I really want to do is go up on the roof.

Matt (who was, at the time, naked): Well, we need to put some clothes on if we're going to do that.

Jonah: All we need is socks and shoes!

Ava's first word was uh-oh. (Is that a word?) She has now progressed to hi, cheese, and blackberry. Or maybe it's blueberry. We're not totally sure. She can also tell you what a duck says.

Jonah has taken to calling himself John. He claims he is John from They Might Be Giants, but he won't tell me which one. When I ask who the other John is, he says, "John is singing, and I'm the other John."

I'm knee-deep in my first class. I'm doing well (2 As so far!), but it's definitely been an adjustment. I love being in school, but I hate the papers/ presentations/ other assignments--which, I have discovered, in business schools are called "deliverables." I used to say I wanted to be a professional student, but I think that really, I'd prefer to get paid to audit classes, so I can avoid the "deliverables." Anyone know of a career like that?

A little girl named Cora

I'm a little late to this, as Congenital Heart Defect (CHD) Awareness Week (February 7-14) is long past. (I'll use the excuse of being caught up in writing my first academic paper in nearly ten years….) However, I didn't want to let that stop me from writing this post.

I've recently come to learn about congenital heart defects. CHDs are the most common birth defect. Nearly 40,000 babies each year are born with a CHD, or nearly 1 in 100 newborns, and nearly 1,800 newborns die from a CHD each year. Congenital means "present at birth." While a CHD may be genetic, more often there is no obvious cause or way the defect could have been prevented.

However, there is a test that can catch some CHDs. While there are no tests that are 100% effective in screening for CHDs, pulse oximetry, a quick, painless, and inexpensive test, can catch those that are associated with low blood oxygen levels. I won't go into the details of the test here, but more information can be found at the website of 1in100, an organization that works to raise awareness of CHDs.

I'm sure you're wondering why this post came about. Back in early December, someone I follow on Twitter mentioned something about wearing pink for someone named Cora. At first I ignored it, but after seeing it from a few more people, I followed some links, and I read Cora’s Story. The long version can be found here, but the short version is that Cora was five days old when she died in her mother's arms while breastfeeding. Cora had an undiagnosed congenital heart defect. I immediately started to follow Cora's mother, Kristine, on Twitter. It was the day before Cora’s memorial service, and Kristine and her family were asking people to wear pink (and post pictures) the next day, in Cora's memory. I read Kristine's tweets backwards. I found the tweet from the day Cora died, the tears streaming down my face. The next day, Ava and I both wore pink (I know, I know, I should have made Jonah and Matt wear pink, too!).

Over the nearly three months since I learned about Cora, I've been amazed by Kristine's strength and passion. She is working hard to make sure that no family has to go through what she went through. She has good days and bad, but she is channeling her grief into building a movement. She has also inspired and motivated me. And on the days when the kids are driving me nuts (and lately, there have been a lot of them), all I have to do is think of her and her sweet Cora, and at least for a moment, the craziness melts away.

I'm writing this blog post because I pledged to Kristine that I would share information about congenital heart defects, as well as Cora's story, with the pregnant women I know, and their families. I want to encourage anyone who is reading this post to pass it along. If you are pregnant, ask for a pulse ox test to be performed on your newborn before you leave the hospital. You can even add it to your birth plan!

For more information:

Cora's Story

1in100

March of Dimes

In Which Elmo and Amy Sedaris Step in for a Sleeping Sitter

Jonah had a fever of over 103 on Tuesday evening, so he couldn't go to school on Wednesday. It was my turn to stay home and play nurse, although he seemed more or less fine and we had a lot of fun together. Thursday wasn't so bad, either, so we were fairly confident that he would be heading to school as usual today.

Wrong. I took his temperature this morning just to be sure--we've been having some difficulty getting a good reading--and it was 101.6. Not an emergency, but too high to go to school. Unfortunately for Matt, he had stayed up til almost 4 AM working, so he was a little concerned about it being his turn to do sick boy duty. Fortunately for Matt, Jonah is one of the best patients I know. Especially if he's allowed to watch as much TV as he wants. Which, when he is sick, he is. Also, I work from home on Fridays, so he had some backup.

Jonah fell asleep on the couch (never happens) and then he and Matt went to Shaw's. When they got home, they ate lunch and then it was naptime. Since he had taken the earlier snooze on the couch, Jonah was not terribly interested in a nap, so Matt laid down on the floor in Jonah's room.

About an hour later, Jonah came walking into the living room and asked to watch a DVD.

I obliged, and seconds later, he was enthralled.

I, on the other hand, found it incredibly amusing that Amy Sedaris was guest-starring on Sesame Street.

Then I went into Jonah's room to check on the real babysitter.

Nice, huh?

One

Poor Miss A had a fever at her birthday party, so she wasn't terribly interested in the cake. We didn't realize it til later, which is kind of weak, considering how feverish she looks in these photos. Oops.

Fortunately, she had several willing helpers when it came time to blow out the candle!

Happy (belated) first birthday, my little monkey!

364 Days

Yesterday was a big day for me. What's so special about January 11, 2010? Not much, really. But it was the last day I had to pump.* Ava will be one tomorrow (where has this year gone?) so not only was it the last day I had to pump, but it also means I've successfully breastfed two kids to their first birthdays. In a country where only 22% of babies are still breastfeeding at all (let alone exclusively) after 12 months**, this is quite an accomplishment. I'm pretty proud of us for making it.

Both Jonah and Ava have been pretty easy to nurse. Both had good latches from the beginning. Both gained weight well. And I have had a lot of success with pumping, something that a lot of women are not fortunate enough to have. I understand that nursing can be really challenging and that for some (many?), formula seems so much easier and more convenient. But for me, there was never any question that I would breastfeed for at least six months, and ideally, til one year.

It hasn't always been easy, though. When Jonah was six months old, I went back to work full-time at a new job and I wasn't able to pump as often as I had at my previous, part-time position. For much of the second six months of his life, I lugged my pump home every night, and pumped once after he went to bed. I sometimes pumped on the weekends, too. It was the only way I could maintain a supply commensurate with his demand!

Nursing Ava has offered different challenges. I have been blessed, until recently, with an amazing supply, so I never had to pump extra at night or on weekends. And after winning the Sling and Swaddle Journey contest, I had two pumps, so I was able to leave one at work all the time and depend on my old pump when I needed it at home. Since I telecommute one day a week, I've even been able, sometimes, to nurse her on that day instead of pumping.

When Ava was about 8 months old, however, I started to have some big problems with pumping. I'll spare the audience the gory details, but suffice it to say the pumping became painful and I had serious and legitimate concerns about my ability to continue to pump at all. After enduring several weeks of discomfort, I finally figured out what was wrong, and I've been able to pump without problems ever since. Although we did end up taking Ava on a trip that was supposed to be our first non-kid getaway as a result.

Not too long after that, Ava started to perform acrobatics while nursing. I can't tell you how many times I've told her, "Ava! You can’t take that with you, it's attached!" She wiggles, climbs, looks around, you name it--all while trying to nurse. It's a normal part of nursing an older baby, but it led to two things. First, it became really challenging to nurse her in public, because all that moving around tends to leave me exposed. Not cool. Perhaps worse, though, she now gets so distracted that she has been nursing for shorter lengths of time. This, coupled with a one-week business trip during which I pumped exclusively (along with working 15 hour days—how fun!), has led to a decrease in my supply. If it had to happen, though, it couldn't have come at a better time. We started Ava's transition to cow's milk about a week ago, and it's going really well. We've gradually increased the amount of cow's milk mixed in with her breast milk, and tomorrow she'll start getting cow's milk exclusively. We also started giving her milk in sippy cups instead of bottles. I'll still nurse her whenever she wants to nurse, which, unfortunately, still includes 4 or 5 AM at this point. And we'll go as long as she wants to.

Jonah weaned himself at just about 16 months old. At that point, he was only nursing every other day, in the morning. One morning, he woke up, I went and got him from his crib, and asked him if he wanted to nurse. He said no, and that was the end of it. I had such mixed emotions about it. I knew we would have another, so I knew I'd do it again, but it was such a huge milestone. That was when I truly felt like he transitioned from baby to toddler or even kid.

I'm not sure how long Ava will nurse. I'll be away from her for five days in March, and I wonder if she'll be interested when I get back. I'm sure it will be even more bittersweet, since we're not planning to have any more children. The funny thing is, when you let your child decide when to wean, you never know which time will be the last. I'll just have to cherish each time I nurse her as if it were going to be the last time I do it, as if it's something really special.

Because regardless of whether it's the last time, or the second-to-last time, or the 100th-to-last time, it is something really special.

*I'm traveling for work in March, and if Ava is still nursing at all, I will likely pump once or twice a day. But I will do it kicking and screaming.

**The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding continue for at least 12 months, and the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding until age 2 or beyond.

Breaking News

I had this miserable day yesterday. Jonah the Tiger (seen here after our last day of bowling, at which he got his face painted--and I won the league) has been sick with the flu since I got home from Nashvegas Monday night. I'll give you one guess who stayed home with him (and Ava) three days in a row. It was a long three days. Yesterday's fun and games included all of us making a mad dash from the eating area at Costco to the bathroom, Ava trying to eat some paper, and me getting pushed by Jonah.

And then...Ava started walking.

She'd been working on it for a couple of days, taking one little step every now and then, and she'd been standing all on her own for a couple of weeks. But yesterday afternoon, she stood up, pivoted around on one foot, and then took two real steps forward before falling down.

She's been practicing ever since, and I could see how much better she'd gotten between this morning and this evening, when I got home from work. (Note: both these videos are from this evening.)

It's really amazing. At this age, Jonah still had another week before he would even start to crawl, and walking was more than 4 months away.

Videos (post 3 of 3)

#1: Jonah sings (and plays!) the days of the week--in Spanish.

#2: Ava plays peek-a-boo.

#3: Jonah pops bubbles while wearing his "scary teeth".

Boo! (post 2 of 3)

Halloween = party in neighborhood on 10/29 + party at school on 10/30 + party at cousins' on 10/31 + trick-or-treating for Jonah on 10/31

Let Elmo = Jonah and let Monkey = Ava

Elmo + Monkey = Cuteness!

Vitals (post 1 of 3)

Here's the lowdown: October was a busy month. One trip and a wedding, one birthday, another wedding (local, whew!), and then Halloween. I'm not quite sure where the month has gone. But I do have some lovely documentation of the month.

Stats: Jonah weighed in at 31 pounds and was 39 inches tall at his 3 year old visit. Ava, at her nine month visit, was 18 lbs 12 oz and 28 inches tall. They're both tall and average weight, which is just perfect, in my opinion!

Scenes of the season: